Faults:

Unidentified electrical faults.

Rear light failure.

General Comments:

I really wanted to love this. I'd pined after a Monster for years. Beautiful, noisy, naked... Finally found an immaculate silver 750 and snapped it up. Bought with heart not head.

It was cripplingly uncomfortable. I'm 6ft, so nothing freakish. Yet the crouched-over riding stance meant that half an hour on the thing was enough. It's a small bike - I knew that - but there's something evil about the shape it makes you adopt as you ride. If you are considering one, please ensure you go for an extended test ride. Unless you are a hobbit or a teeny girl - then you should be fine.

After my scooter, performance seemed pretty pleasing. But compared to anything sporty, the gears are short and the power disappointing. Get a M900 if you can. I drove the 600 before buying the 750. Oh dear. It barely moved.

Handling was lovely. Torque impressive too. The most fun on this silly toy was pootling through London in the sun in second and periodically cracking back the throttle to skim past cars.

After a month it stopped starting. The specialist garage - conveniently placed half a mile away - said there was nothing wrong and blamed the cold weather. New to bikes I took their advice and used a trickle charger. This seemed to help, but still it didn't start sometimes. Eventually the muppets realised it needed a new battery. But by that time, I'd grown to hate the Ducati. Sorry, I tried.

I have now left biking entirely and am ecstatic with my Jaguar XJR. It has leather seats, a roof and a ten CD stack in the boot. Friends can come with me and the likelihood of my next mode of transport being a wheelchair has decreased.

Finally, my mouth still waters when I hear a Monster grumble by. Funny, life. Buy one if you must - but only if you are short of stature and blind to the vastly preferable alternatives.